Do you ever get that low grade anxious feeling during any “downtime” or spare time away from work, this compulsion to do be more “productive.” Maybe it comes in the form of a voice that says “you could be doing more right now.”
Or is that just me? Actually, that’s a trick question because I know it’s not just me since I encounter this with my clients all. the. time. If you, too, have this feeling please know you’re not alone.
What is underneath this compulsion to be productive? If we pull that thread, I’ve noticed it’s often tied to one of two things: fear and values.
When driven by fear or shame, often the urge feels more like a compulsion; an antsy, anxious feeling to do more, respond faster, double up on productivity. There’s often a comparison component whether it’s to real people or to some external measure of power/money/influence/security (that becomes internalized) or the environment (e.g., company culture, hustle culture, physical location of where you live).
Our tendency to compare is a lose-lose situation because we often compare our weaknesses to others’ strengths or best versions of themselves. In the chapter on Comparison in Big Feelings: How to Be Okay when Things Are Not Okay, the authors mention who we compare ourselves to is usually not one person but often a handful of people’s best qualities we’ve mishmashed into one “mythical creature.” Sure you want to make as much money as Tyrell, be as family-oriented as Helen, be a five-star athlete like Melba, but do you also want all the other parts of their lives as well? The answer is usually no. Not only is comparison the thief of joy but even how we compare ourselves is unfair. So ultimately in this comparison game, we will always need to do more, accomplish more, be more to “keep up” with this ideal mythical creature. The target is ever-moving and it leaves us exhausted.
Another big factor into comparison is our environment — it’s the stick that pokes the bear. Does your company praise and reward working after hours, responding to messages during vacations, being available and online at all times? It’s hard to create and honor boundaries when the culture and environment you’re in rewards constantly being “on” and “productive.” And frankly, it can feel good to respond quickly, help others, or to be praised for these behaviors. But this continual cycle becomes like the snake that eats its tail, the cost becomes your overall health and well-being. And as always: if you are a boss, how are you contributing to this environment for your people?
Finally, we conflate our self-worth with our work. For me personally, the threat of my “full potential” haunts me — if I’m not constantly doing more, then how will I achieve my full potential? I had heard many years back that hell is to meet the person you could have been at death and realize you’re not even a shadow of that person and that heaven is to meet the person you could have been and to see yourself staring back at you. This thought has always haunted and motivated me. The self-actualized, “full potential” version of me is worthy of…love, rest, praise, influence, joy, fun, the list goes on. But the unrealized potential version of me is not. How exhausting! I call this the punishing pursuit of potential. And you will never win because potential is a moving target and the answer to “when is enough, enough?” is “never.”
One of the first things I do when working with clients is to get clear on their values and drivers. Your career values are your intrinsic motivators for work. Is your work engaging and fulfilling because it’s aligned to your values of learning, growth, accomplishment, impact, justice, etc? This type of feeling is often different from the compulsion to work, a pull towards rather than a running away feeling. Do you know your intrinsic motivators, values are? And how does your work align or misalign with them? (Read more here.)
Whether your constant need comes from fear OR values, the ability to shut off from work is critical. Workaholism can come from both fear and values. Read: How Being a Workaholic Differs from Working Long Hours. If the compulsion comes from fear (with outcomes of stress, anxiety, and burnout), then the negative health impacts and likelihood of cardiovascular disease and diabetes increase. If your compulsion comes from values and you are engaged, fulfilled in your work but still can’t turn off, the likelihood is less than fear-based but still higher than those who can turn it off.
That last piece always helps me with the punishing pursuit of potential.
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